


i wish i was the moon (so i could just see you)

by angstonly



Series: you, me, and the moon [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Closure, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin-centric, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Break Up, Qian Kun is the best friend ever, Strangers to Lovers, not the way you would think though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:27:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24019003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstonly/pseuds/angstonly
Summary: But they're pretending; this is what they agreed on. They're pretending. So Sicheng wipes on his tears and takes a deep breath, forcing a smile as he taps on his phone.We just got to our hotel for the night, he writes. And as an afterthought, he adds,I love you.I'm glad you're safe, Jaehyun responds back.I love you so much.This is fine. Everything's okay. Sicheng needs this.What more damage can one night do to an already broken heart?
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Series: you, me, and the moon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1936351
Comments: 34
Kudos: 178
Collections: The 97z Steam Cloud Collection





	i wish i was the moon (so i could just see you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dochiwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dochiwrites/gifts).



> bianca!!
> 
> you probably already know who this is already heh. i had so much fun writing this fic and I'm both so nervous _and_ excited for you to read it. This is one of the most important fics i've ever written precisely because it's for you. it's not just a fic, it's a love letter to show you how much i truly value our friendship. i really hope you like it. ♡
> 
> i have insurmountable amounts of love, respect, and adoration for you and your work. i'm eternally grateful to have the privilege of being able to call you my friend. i love you, my puff!
> 
> and to the rest of steam cloud, this is a love letter to you guys too. thank you for making being the most amazing, most supportive group of friends anyone could ever ask for.
> 
> click [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4SZQbRMOpA5fN4YwKntGnM?si=JlysF3fZT4WIWY88CrIRUg) for playlist!

►❙❙

The moon is pretty tonight, Sicheng thinks as he stares out the window. The view outside is rolling by, a large expanse of sky with the moon its only constant. They're in the outskirts of the city now, no longer in the middle of hustle and bustle. Sicheng has always enjoyed road trips for this very reason—the serenity placates him, clears his mind almost as if he's meditating. Everything is still.

It's the ring of his phone that interrupts his thoughts, and when he sees the name that flashes across the screen, his heart begins to pound against his chest. He grips his phone tightly, debating between answering and just letting it ring.

"Aren't you going to get that?" Kun asks from the driver's seat, taking a quick glance at him before focusing again on the road that lies ahead.

"I don't know," Sicheng admits, gaze returning to the moon. It greets him, bright and imposing against the darkness. If he stares long enough, it almost seems like it's twinkling a hello. Sicheng sighs and turns the vibrations off before adding, "It's Jaehyun."

"He still calls you?" There's caution in Kun's tone, wary as though any semblance of dissonance could make an already precarious situation worse.

"No," Sicheng sighs again, the weight of the world on his shoulders. "So either something is terribly wrong, or he's drunk off his ass and making bad decisions again."

Kun huffs out something that resembles an amused snort. "Could be both. Still don't want to talk to him?"

It's Sicheng's turn to huff out a noise. "There's nothing to talk about." He shrugs, ignoring the heaviness weighing down on his chest. Sometimes he wonders if he really is doing the right thing or if he's simply being stubborn. He can never tell—especially not when Jaehyun is involved. Sicheng can't trust his own gut anymore, not when it's led to the most painful heartbreak he's ever had.

 _There's nothing left to say_.

The phone screen illuminates the car as another call comes in. Sicheng stares, repeats the name in his head over and over again. He peeks over at Kun, who sneaks a glance at him with a small smile.

"Do you want me to pull over at the next rest stop so you can take the call in private?"

"No, it's okay," Sicheng sighs, thumb already hovering over the screen. "I don't mind if you hear."

◄◄

He meets Jaehyun on an arbitrary Wednesday night.

Sicheng sits outside the convenience store, half-empty cup of ramen sitting forgotten on the table as Sicheng stares up at the moon overhead. It has always fascinated him. He's never really known why. All he knows is that it's calming to him, and there's something therapeutic about talking to the moon.

"The sky doesn't say a word. It won't talk back."

Sicheng peels his gaze away from above to look at the boy now sitting in the seat beside him. Disheveled hair peeks from where his hood rests on his head, a deep brown the same shade as his eyes. It's dark outside yet Sicheng can see him clearly—the stranger stands out without even trying.

"That's the point." Sicheng stares back at the boy who's now slurping his own cup ramen. "It doesn't talk back, it doesn't judge, it doesn't have the power to use my words against me. Talking to people is a risk. People hurt you."

"That's deep," the stranger snorts, leaning back against the seat. "Although I would argue that people are only capable of hurting you as much as you allow them to."

Sicheng snorts back. "That's why I never let people in. It's easier this way."

"Hm." The stranger smiles at him, dimples forming on his cheeks. "Yet you're welcoming conversation with me."

"Conversation with you doesn't mean I'm letting you in." Sicheng rolls his eyes, arms folding against his chest. "I don't even know your name."

"Jaehyun," he says. "The name's Jaehyun."

"I don't care."

Sicheng doesn't understand the way his heart beats faster when the stranger— _Jaehyun_ , his mind supplies—laughs, the mirth reaching his eyes.

►❙❙

Jaehyun is giggling over the phone and Sicheng already wants to scream. Maybe picking up was a mistake after all. He's lost count of how many times he's sighed in the last ten minutes alone, all of them because of Jaehyun.

And it hurts—it really fucking hurts how much it affects him every time he hears Jaehyun laugh. The song that once made his own heart sing is now the same song that breaks it, crushes it until it's in fragments so small that it's months later and he still hasn't picked up all the pieces.

"What do you want, Jaehyun?" His voice comes out tired yet sharp enough that Jaehyun falls silent on the other line. "I told you not to call me—"

"I miss you."

It's three words. Three words that effectively knock the air out of Sicheng's lungs. Three words that bring his world crashing and crumbling at his feet, three words that he's wanted to hear for so long. They bring tears to his eyes—tears he tries but fails to blink back, tears that roll down his cheeks as his heart thunders against his ribcage.

He thought it would bring him joy to hear them. But it all just hurts. Everything hurts.

"You're drunk," Sicheng mumbles, grip on his phone tight as he takes deep slow breaths. "Drink water and go to sleep, Jaehyun."

"I mean it," Jaehyun slurs. Sicheng can practically hear the pout in his voice. He can hear muffled yelling in the background. Jaehyun's probably at a party again. "I miss you so much, Win. I think about you every day, wonder if you're doing okay, if you're happy. I think about calling you all the time but I chicken out. Look, after everything, I know it's too late. I know the door is closed and you hate my guts and I'm lucky to even just be hearing your voice right now. But god, I miss you. I just had to call and tell you—I miss you."

"Okay, you've told me," Sicheng responds, ignoring how dry his throat feels as he speaks. "Now go to sleep."

"Don't you miss me at all? Even just a little bit?" Sicheng doesn't miss the hesitation in his voice, the uncertainty that accompanies his question.

◄◄

It's loud. The music is blasting from the heavyweight speakers that the fraternity invested in specifically for the house parties, floor vibrating as drunk college kids jump and dance until the floor's almost shaking at their feet. Sicheng sips on his cup in the corner, back against the wall, eyes trailed over the mass of bodies so close together they're a song away from becoming one gigantic entity of sweat and spilled alcohol.

The juice is sweet this time; he can't taste the alcohol at all. It's dangerous, Sicheng thinks. He's lost track of how much he's drank at this point, too consumed by the need to step away and observe the crowd from a safe distance. He supposes it's not too much of a surprise to those that know him—he's never been one to engage with throngs of people, especially the disgustingly intoxicated who only serve to annoy him.

The best part of the night is that sweet spot between drunk and completely gone. It's the spot he likes to coast in—intoxicated enough to enjoy being around people, but not so much that he'll regret it all in the morning. It's usually when he hits this spot that Sicheng's friends come to find him; it's the only time he'll actually engage with anyone at the party.

Instead of his friends, a different familiar face finds him as the alcohol brings his mind into a comfortable haze. _Jaehyun_ , he thinks. _It's the boy from the convenience store not too long ago_.

"Hey," he says, smile spread across his face. "Didn't strike you as the type to attend parties."

Sicheng rolls his eyes, yet the smile on his lips gives his true feelings away. This is how he knows he's drunk—the smiling, the laughing, the easy conversation that flows between him and Jaehyun in that little corner of the room. It's nothing like their first meeting—the unwelcoming way Sicheng regarded him almost makes him seem unrecognizable, like he's an entirely different person altogether.

Sicheng is brighter, more animated, more open. He shifts his weight to his other leg as Jaehyun asks if he's ever going to leave his little corner. Sicheng raises an eyebrow when Jaehyun tells him he's been observing him for a while. "Didn't strike you as the type to stalk someone," Sicheng retorts. "Then again, we don't know anything about each other."

"Get to know me, then." Jaehyun smirks, the dimple on his cheek so perfectly placed. God plays favorites, Sicheng thinks. Jaehyun is proof of that. "Everyone loves me once they get to know me."

"Oh really?" Sicheng challenges, setting his empty cup down on the nearby table. "Are you really that full of yourself, Jaehyun?"

Jaehyun laughs, and that same feeling from that night returns to Sicheng's chest. Sicheng ignores the rapid beating of his heart, ascribing it to the large amounts of alcohol he's imbibed throughout the night. It's nothing to do with Jaehyun or how the light hits his face in a way that makes him look like he's glowing. It's nothing to do with how naturally he takes Sicheng's hand in his and tugs him towards the crowd he's been so adamantly avoiding. It's certainly nothing to do with how absolutely right it feels as their bodies press close together and they dance in the middle of the packed room, looking into each other's eyes like there's no one else there.

►❙❙

Kun is too good of a friend, too good of a person. Sicheng really doesn't mind, but Kun drives them to the nearest rest stop anyway. _I'll be over there, just text me when you're done,_ he writes on his phone to show Sicheng before exiting the car. He watches Kun's silhouette, illuminated only by the light coming from the rest stop, disappear into the edifice as silence falls between him and Jaehyun.

He can hear Jaehyun breathing and faint music playing in the background. He doesn't really know what to say—if he should even say anything at all. What's the point of it all, really? What's the point of saying anything when all the words that flash in his mind are replaced by the images of heartbreak, of their relationship slowly crumbling until it was too late to make things right?

"Sicheng…"

It hurts. Every time Jaehyun says his name feels like a knife pushed into his chest, feels like every nerve in his body is set ablaze, feels like he's being torn open and apart with every beat of his aching heart.

"Stop," he says, fighting the tears now welling in his eyes. "What do you want, Jaehyun? It's late and I'm tired and Kun pulled over at a rest stop so we can talk, but I don't have anything to say to you. If you're done, just… Goodbye, Jaehyun."

"No, wait! Sicheng, please. _Please_." Desperation clings to Jaehyun's voice, unmistakable even to Sicheng's ears. It's the same voice he hears every time he plays their breakup over in his head, the same despair Jaehyun had called out to him with as he walked out the door. When he closes his eyes, he can almost see it—imagine what Jaehyun must look like right now, so intoxicated and downcast and desperate for Sicheng.

"Jaehyun." His voice is cold, or at least he hopes it is for both their sakes. Sicheng wipes at the tear that rolls down his cheek.

"You haven't hung up." Jaehyun sounds so broken. It goes straight to the pit in Sicheng's stomach. "Y-you haven't hung up. That must mean something. Talk to me, please. Just say anything. Even if it's just to humor me for the night. Even if it's all just lies, just—please? Sicheng, just for tonight, talk to me as if I didn't completely fuck up. As if these last couple of months didn't happen, as if we're both still happy and stupid in love. Just for tonight."

Sicheng bites the inside of his cheek, tears freely falling as he plays the words over and over again in his mind. What's the point? What the fuck is the point? He can hear the way Jaehyun's breath is hitching on the other line, the way he's choking back sobs and fighting against a complete breakdown. He knows Jaehyun like the back of his hand, knows the little things others won't be able to notice. Sicheng doesn't understand why Jaehyun wants this when he thinks all it would do is bring them both more pain.

But Sicheng has always been weak for Jaehyun. So against his better judgment he says, "Okay."

◄◄

Sicheng decides he doesn't mind the peach vodka when he tastes it on Jaehyun's tongue.

They've abandoned the party in favor of having their own—just the two of them in Jaehyun's room, Sicheng on his lap, fingers weaved through Jaehyun's hair as Jaehyun licks into his mouth. The haze of inebriation has long since dissipated, every kiss and every touch fueled by pure wanton desire.

Jaehyun is a good kisser. It takes Sicheng by surprise how easily Jaehyun feeds the lust building in his gut, how easily he makes Sicheng melt and moan at a single touch. He isn't complaining, though. Especially not when Jaehyun sucks on a sensitive patch of skin on his neck. And when Jaehyun tugs his shirt off and leaves patches of color against his collarbone. And especially not when Jaehyun lays him down on his bed, clothes discarded and forgotten on the floor, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses down his body.

"Jaehyun. _Fuck_ ," he breathes out, propping himself on his elbows as Jaehyun kisses the inside of his thigh. " _Do_ something. I—"

"Impatient, aren't you?" Jaehyun hums, breath against his skin so beyond arousing. Sicheng is about to snap back when Jaehyun finally moves.

Any sense of coherency disappears from Sicheng's mind as Jaehyun obliges to his request, skillful hands sending wave upon wave of pleasure all throughout Sicheng's body. He takes his time with Sicheng, almost teasingly so. Sicheng relishes in it, closes his eyes to feel everything more intensely.

There aren't enough words in every language he speaks to even begin to explain how good it all feels, lost in everything Jung Jaehyun, fingers curled into the sheets as Jaehyun presses closer against him. His mind is foggy and his heart is beating rapidly in his chest, singing out to a boy who works him like they've known each other all their lives.

He loses all semblance of control, moaning out noises he never even thought he was capable of. Jaehyun leans in to kiss him, muffling the indecent sounds that leave his lips. It doesn't take much longer after this for their night together to come to a close, the two of them tired and sweaty, lying side by side.

Sicheng buries his face in Jaehyun's pillow, fighting against the smile threatening to spread across his lips. _I'm drunk_ , Sicheng thinks. _I'm absolutely still fucking drunk_.

(He isn't.)

►❙❙

They're back on the road at eleven in the evening. Kun doesn't ask about Jaehyun—he only asks if Sicheng is okay and ends it there. He supposes this is one of the things he loves most about Kun—the way he never pries, never asks. He supports even without knowing the full story. Kun has always been a good friend.

Kun has always been a good person.

It's precisely because Kun doesn't ask that Sicheng tells him anyway. He tells Kun about Jaehyun, how broken he sounded, how desperate he was. He tells Kun about Jaehyun's request, about wanting one night of going back in time to when things were okay.

"I don't know why I agreed," Sicheng adds, staring at his phone as Jaehyun's messages fill the screen. "This is stupid. There's no point to this."

Kun sneaks a glance at him, a kind smile on his lips. "Maybe not to you," he offers, "but it could mean something to him."

"Like _what_?"

"I can't answer that," he says, the smile on his face never once faltering. "Only Jaehyun knows for sure. Anything we say would be pure speculation, and you know better than anyone how badly assumptions can go."

Sicheng chuckles wryly. Of course he does.

"Is it stupid? Am I stupid for agreeing?" Sicheng heaves out a sigh, jaw tight, feeling like his hands are going numb. "Seriously, Kun. I need you to tell me your thoughts because I don't understand myself right now. I want to know what you think about this."

Kun glances over at him and places a hand on his. "I think you have your own reasons for agreeing to it, something you maybe aren't ready to admit to yourself yet. I think you guys still need closure and this might be the way to get it, even if it _is_ a strange way to do it. It could open up an opportunity for a proper conversation about what happened between you two.

"So no," Kun concludes with a dimpled smile. "I don't think you're stupid. I think you maybe kind of need this. Maybe this time, you two can actually talk things out. You deserve closure, Sicheng. You both do."

◄◄

The teasing never stops, especially when his friends find out that Sicheng's one night stand was none other than Jung Jaehyun, who apparently has a reputation unbeknownst to Sicheng. Rumors already tend to spread quickly in the Asian community of their university, but this is even more apparent when said rumors are about golden boy Jung Jaehyun.

"How is it that the two most unreachable people in our community find each other and end up fucking?"

His friends are talking, but Sicheng doesn't really hear anything. His mind is elsewhere, drifting off to places that consume him almost daily. He wishes it were night time, wishes the moon were up high in the sky, gleaming at him as he tells it his troubles. He's too deep in thought that he doesn't realize the sudden silence until someone breaks it with a cheery "hey, Sicheng."

Sicheng looks up, and Jaehyun is smiling at him, holding out a cup of coffee. Sicheng stares at it then at his face, eyebrows furrowed. " _What_?" he asks, a little more hostile than intended. Dejun kicks him under the table and he shoots him a pointed look in response.

"It's just coffee," Jaehyun offers, stupidly charming smile still on his face. "Figured you'd want one. You look like you're having a bad day."

Sicheng isn't sure what's going on, really. He isn't well-versed in the customs of hookups and one night stands, but he's sure randomly buying the other person a cup of coffee isn't typical of one-time sexual encounters.

"You don't have to do this," Sicheng says, taking the coffee anyway. "We fucked, it was great, now we move on. We don't know each other; we're not friends. You don't have to say hi when you see me or get me coffee or whatever. Hell, you don't even have to smile at me."

He hears a gasp nearby, which he's assuming is from either Guanheng or Xuxi, because he can see Dejun gaping at him from the corners of his eyes. Then Jaehyun laughs—that stupid fucking laugh that makes Sicheng's heart race for some godforsaken reason he can't fathom.

"I know I don't have to, Sicheng," he says with another chuckle. Sicheng hates the way Jaehyun says his name. He especially hates how his heart pounds whenever he hears it. "I want to, though. I said it that night at the convenience store—I'd really like for us to be friends."

"And I told you that night too—I don't." Sicheng shrugs and rises to his feet. "Thanks for the coffee though."

Sicheng doesn't bother to look back as he walks away. He'll get an earful from his friends later, but he's past the point of caring. He can't care about what his friends will say—not when his heart is still running races in his chest. Not when his palms feel so clammy and cold. Not when a smile finds its way to his lips as he hears Jaehyun's voice in his head saying his name.

 _Fuck_.

►❙❙

Jaehyun's name on his phone hurts. Every message sends a pang to his chest that he doesn't know how to ignore. He looks out the window, eyes fixed on the moon, tears welling in his eyes.

"Why did I agree?" He asks, watching as the stars twinkle as if responding to his plight. "Is it really because I need this?" Is it really because Sicheng needs one night like this—a night where things are okay, where they're _them_ again, where they're the Jaehyun and Sicheng from before things went to absolute shit?

Kun reaches over and places a comforting hand on his. It's all the push Sicheng needs to let his tears fall, to let the sobs slip past his lips, to cry out every painful emotion brewing in his chest the moment Jaehyun began to call him.

"I miss him, Kun," Sicheng sobs, free hand tightly gripping his phone. Another message pops up. His heart clenches in his chest. "God, I still miss him so much."

"I know you do," Kun squeezes his hand and sneaks a worried glance his way. "It's okay, Sicheng. Let it out. It's okay to miss him. It's okay."

He can't see past his tears, past the blur of lights in his vision. But when he closes his eyes, he sees Jaehyun—he sees his smile, his laugh, his dimples. He sees the way Jaehyun stares at him when he thinks Sicheng isn't looking, sees the way his eyes twinkle when their gazes finally meet, sees the way his lips settle into a smile every time he says the words "I love you."

When he closes his eyes, he sees the Jaehyun that he had already lost long before their end.

And when he opens his eyes again, when he looks at the messages now blowing up his phone, all he sees is the ghost of what was, the reality of what no longer is.

But they're pretending; this is what they agreed on. They're pretending. So Sicheng wipes on his tears and takes a deep breath, forcing a smile as he taps on his phone. _We just got to our hotel for the night_ , he writes. And as an afterthought, he adds, _I love you_.

 _I'm glad you're safe_ , Jaehyun responds back. _I love you so much_.

This is fine. Everything's okay. Sicheng needs this.

What more damage can one night do to an already broken heart?

◄◄

All they can hear is the sound of breathing as their sweat-drenched bodies collapse side by side on Sicheng's bed. He can still taste Jaehyun on his tongue, can still feel the tingles where Jaehyun's hands roam around his skin. He stares up at the ceiling, mind clouded by the desire-filled haze, still sensitive from the way Jaehyun had sent wave upon wave of pleasure all throughout his body.

He's long since forgotten how this whole arrangement even began. All he knows is that he relishes in it, basks in the wonders of Jung Jaehyun and the way he makes Sicheng feel.

"We should clean up," Jaehyun speaks from beside him, still breathless. "I shouldn't stay longer than I have to."

Sicheng looks over at Jaehyun, watches the way his lips curve into a smile, the way his smile reaches his eyes, the way his eyes reflect light in a way that makes them look like they're sparkling. Jaehyun holds his gaze, the smile slowly dissolving from his face, replaced by uncertainty.

"Is something wrong?" Jaehyun asks, eyebrows knitted together as he shifts on his side to face him.

"No, it's just…" Sicheng trails off, licking his dried lips as he tries to find the words to convey what he feels in his chest. He swallows thickly, searches deep into Jaehyun's eyes for the answers he seeks. Jaehyun reaches over, a gentle hand cupping his cheek, thumb gingerly brushing against his skin. He just looks at Sicheng, offering silent encouragement.

The realization dawns on Sicheng, hits him over the head and grabs his heart straight from his chest. "Jaehyun, I don't want you to go."

Jaehyun's eyes widen, his lips slowly curling back into that smile that sends Sicheng's heart running marathons within him. Sicheng expects questions, expects _are you sure?_ or _is this really okay?_ to escape his lips.

But instead, Jaehyun chuckles and pulls Sicheng into his arms. "Thank fucking God," Jaehyun laughs into his hair. "Sicheng, every time we do this, I never want to leave."

Sicheng expels a relieved breath and laughs along with him, taking Jaehyun's face in his hands to press soft kisses against his skin. They're sticky and sweaty and gross, but they're both too blissful to care.

►❙❙

"You're smiling," Kun points out. "That's good."

Sicheng shrugs as he slurps up his ramen. They're sitting in their hotel room, snacks from a nearby convenience store scattered on the table. Kun is rearranging it all as Sicheng eats, wanting to keep things neat even though they'll likely empty out all the snacks come morning. It's just a Kun thing to do, he supposes.

"It hurts," Sicheng admits, setting his cup ramen down on the makeshift coaster Kun placed on the table. "But I don't know, it's also nice. Maybe you're right, maybe I really did need this."

"It's always going to hurt, I think," Kun muses, taking the empty seat beside Sicheng, opening up a bag of chips. "I mean, you love him. Love always hurts in one way or another, doesn't it? Even more so when it's you and Jaehyun."

Sicheng sighs, finger tracing the rim of his cup ramen. He thinks back to the night he met Jaehyun. He never would have expected that the stranger from that night would end up being this important to him, especially when Sicheng did everything he could to keep him at an arm's length away.

"I hate him," Sicheng whispers, a sad smile on his lips as he looks at the message that pops up on his phone. _I'm on my way home, I'll call you when I'm ready for bed! I love you, Sicheng_. "But I hate that I don't hate him, not really. I don't think I ever could."

Kun sighs, patting him comfortingly on the shoulder. "Do you want to? Hate him, I mean."

Sicheng sighs as well, typing in a reply. _I'll be waiting. I love you too, Jaehyun._

And then he says, "No, I don't."

◄◄

Jaehyun cages Sicheng between his arms against the wall, lips trailing kisses down Sicheng's neck. Sicheng gasps, hand finding purchase in Jaehyun's hair. He cranes his neck to give Jaehyun more access, whimpering at the feeling of tongue tracing the line of his neck, inhaling sharply when Jaehyun sucks at a sensitive patch of skin.

"Jae, wait, I—God, Jaehyun, _fuck_!" He hisses as Jaehyun sucks harder, teeth lightly biting down on what Sicheng knows will be an obvious mark come morning.

Jaehyun pulls off and smirks at him, hand moving to reach at the strain in his jeans. Sicheng releases a shaky breath, hips bucking into Jaehyun's hand. Jaehyun pulls away and Sicheng whines, pulls him back, and slots their lips together.

He tastes like peach vodka again. Sicheng isn't sure whether he genuinely likes it now or if it's just because of Jaehyun. He finds that it always tastes good on Jaehyun's tongue, almost makes him nostalgic in a way. It reminds him of their first night together, when Sicheng thought it would just be a simple one night stand and nothing more.

But here they are months later, back at the same house that started it all, already so familiar with each other's bodies that it doesn't take long for them to go off on their own little world and drown out the rest of the crowd.

"Don't you dare," Sicheng huffs when Jaehyun tries to pull away again. "It is _not_ the time to be a tease."

But Jaehyun _is_ a tease, _especially_ when they're drunk, because Sicheng always reacts to him exactly the way he wants him to. It's not like Sicheng hides it anymore anyway. Not when they've already been in each other's beds more times than they care to count.

When they get back to Jaehyun's place that night, they waste little time in conversation. It's all muscle memory—the way they move, the way they kiss, the way they make each other feel. Hands roam over memorized skin, lips spilling moans and pleasure all through the night. They work each other with ease, familiar with every which way to push each other over the edge.

And when all is said and done, when bodies lie naked in each other's arms, they kiss like they've never kissed before.

►❙❙

Sicheng is thankful that the balcony door's open. He seats himself outside, lets the cool breeze hug his skin, cup of tea in his hands. The moon shines against the night, sky dotted with beautiful coruscating stars. It's visible even in this random city, bright against the darkness. He looks up and sighs, wondering if Jaehyun is looking at it too.

He glances at his phone, Jaehyun's last message pulled up on the screen. _I'm home. I'll call you soon. I love you_.

Sicheng's chest feels tight. When was the last time Jaehyun has said "I love you" so much in the span of one night? It's been too long. Far too long.

His phone vibrates and he answers after one ring. "Hi Jaehyun," he says, voice soft, as though any louder would disturb what little peace they've created between them for tonight. Jaehyun's face fills his screen. "Ready for bed?"

"Yeah," Jaehyun hums, lazy smile on his lips. It's dark for them both, shadows cast on each their faces. Still, they look at each other and smile. "Thank you, Sicheng, for agreeing to this. I know that I—"

"Hey," Sicheng interrupts, swallowing the lump in his throat. "The night isn't over yet. Let's not—we can talk about this tomorrow, okay? Just… not now. I didn't realize I wanted this night as much as I did until now."

Jaehyun nods, almost pensive in the way he stares at Sicheng through the screen. But then he smiles and Sicheng feels his heart racing the same way it always does when Jaehyun smiles at him. "Okay," Jaehyun says, "I love you."

"I love you too," he whispers, ignoring how heavy his chest feels. "Get some rest? Drink water before you go to sleep."

"I will. Thank you, Sicheng."

They talk for a little bit more, allowing themselves to indulge in the pretense spurred on by Jaehyun's drunken request. For a moment, Sicheng could almost believe it—that they're okay and happy and still going strong. But when the night comes to a close and they've finally bid each other good night, he allows the emotions to overwhelm him and he cries into his pillow.

"I miss him, Kun," he whispers into the dead of night, curled up into a ball beneath the soft linens of his bed. "I miss him so much."

"I know," Kun says, abandoning his own bed to take the empty space on Sicheng's. "It's okay to."

Sicheng cries himself to sleep in the comfort of Kun's embrace, Jaehyun's name bitter on his tongue.

◄◄

They're in bed one morning, Sicheng lying comfortably in Jaehyun's arms. It's one of their tamer mornings, basking in each other's warmth, conversation flowing like they've known each other all their lives. Sicheng isn't sure how it happens; he isn't sure how Jaehyun becomes a confidante he can speak to about whatever crosses his mind. What he's absolutely sure of is that he can no longer remember a day when Jaehyun wasn't in his life.

"Sicheng, I need to know," Jaehyun whispers into his hair. "What are we?"

Sicheng looks up, eyes glossy with unspoken affection reserved just for Jaehyun. It's a question he's pondered himself, a question he mulls over deep into the night as Jaehyun falls asleep beside him. "A little more than just friends with benefits," he answers truthfully, ignoring how loudly his heart is screaming. "Why?"

Jaehyun cups his cheek, tender eyes looking deeply into his. "I want to be more," he says, leaning in to brush his lips against Sicheng's. "I want to be your boyfriend, Sicheng."

His breath catches in his throat, Jaehyun's voice his favorite song. His heart knocks against his ribcage, rapid and imposing, begging to be noticed. Sicheng swallows thickly, releasing a shaky breath as he presses another kiss to Jaehyun's lips. When he pulls away, he feels dizzy. Jaehyun is looking at him like he's the only person that exists in the world, and Sicheng feels like Jaehyun holds galaxies in his eyes every time their gazes meet.

"Me too," Sicheng whispers, ignoring the fear that creeps into his thoughts. "I want to be your boyfriend too."

Jaehyun grins at him, peppering kisses all over Sicheng's face. They laugh together as affection blooms between them, sharing the heat that burns throughout their bodies from all the emotions they share. Their lips find each other, natural in the way they move and speak more than words ever could. It's a language left unsaid, a language meant just for Sicheng and Jaehyun, a language they learn together as they spend their nights knowing each other's bodies.

When they break away for air and Jaehyun asks him on a date, Sicheng says yes in a heartbeat.

And that's why Sicheng now finds himself standing in front of his mirror the week after, pale as he stares back at his reflection. Dejun is with him, helping him pick out clothes to wear while calming down the nerves that overcome his entire being.

Sicheng spins to face him, utter despair contorting his features as he grabs Dejun by the shoulders. "How the fuck do people go on dates? I can't— fuck, this is— I can't breathe. What the fuck."

Dejun snorts and takes Sicheng's hands, holding them tightly. "Gege," Dejun begins to say, voice so soft and warm that it placates Sicheng somehow. "Breathe, please. You're going on a date with someone who's already your boyfriend. Everything will be okay."

Sicheng takes a deep breath, looking into Dejun's kind eyes as he does. There's something so calming about the way Dejun speaks that always helps him when he needs it the most. It relaxes him enough to finish preparing, to let Jaehyun know that he's finally ready for their date.

He knows that he has it better than a lot of people—a first date with someone who already has feelings for you, in theory, should be much easier than one with a stranger. Yet the more he thinks of Jaehyun, the more frightened he becomes. Jaehyun picking him up from his apartment looking absolutely breathtaking does little for his stress.

"What's wrong?" Jaehyun asks him during the drive, a hand on the wheel and the other on Sicheng's thigh. "Are you feeling sick? We can reschedule—"

"I want to throw up," Sicheng blurts, catching Jaehyun off guard. "Not literally! Like, metaphorically throw up. I haven't been on a date in a long time, Jaehyun. This is— there's a reason I— shit, I'm sorry. Fuck!"

"Hey, it's okay," Jaehyun reassures him, blindly reaching for his hand. "I know, Sicheng. I know you better than you think I do."

Sicheng exhales, lacing their fingers together as he turns to look at Jaehyun. "I'm scared of fucking things up. I don't let people in easily, Jaehyun. Hell, I pushed you away for so long because of how much I wanted to avoid letting people in. But you're here, you're in me, and I don't want you running off once you really get to know me. It's terrifying how quickly you've worked your way into my life, but now that you're here, I don't ever want you to go."

Jaehyun squeezes his hand, sneaking a glance his way with a gentle smile. It makes Sicheng's heart race like it always does, reminds him once again how helplessly deep he is in everything Jung Jaehyun. "Sicheng, I'm not going anywhere."

"You don't know that," Sicheng strains as the words slip past his lips. "People leave, Jaehyun. They change their minds and leave and I'm tired of people leaving."

"I'm not going anywhere," Jaehyun repeats, bringing Sicheng's hand to his lips. "You're in me just as deeply as I am in you, you have been from the moment I saw you talking to the moon. You're not easy to get to know, but you're so worth every bit of effort. I don't know everything about you, but what I do know, I've come to love. And I just know that everything else I'll learn about you from this moment forward, I'll love even more."

And before Sicheng could formulate a response, Jaehyun adds, "I'm in this for the long haul, Sicheng, if you'll have me. I'm in this with you."

►❙❙

With the way his head is pounding, you'd think it was Sicheng who spent his night out drinking. He sits up in bed, dazed while Kun hands him a cup of water, squinting as he adjusts to the light peeking from behind the curtains. He hates that his first instinct is to check his phone. He hates it even more when he feels disappointed when there's no Jaehyun in his messages.

"We have free breakfast," Kun tells him as he finally gets out of bed. "Go get ready and I'll meet you downstairs. I loaded the car already."

"How the fuck are you such an early riser?" Sicheng huffs, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. Kun laughs instead of answering.

Sicheng thinks he looks dead when he sees his reflection in the mirror. He supposes it's to be expected when he spent his entire night in tears. He ponders the implications of the overwhelming emotions that overcame him last night, wonders if these are all remnants of unresolved feelings over the breakup or something else entirely.

His mind is full even as he meets Kun for breakfast, gaze fixated on nothing in particular, thoughts drifting in directions he doesn't pay much attention to. He snaps out of it only when Kun presses a piece of toast against his lips.

"Thanks." Sicheng laughs sheepishly, taking a bite of the toast. "I'm distracted."

"I can see that." Kun rolls his eyes, taking a sip of orange juice. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know," Sicheng admits, sighing heavily as he stares at the bread in his hand. "I mean, I'm okay, I guess. I just—okay, this is stupid, but I wish we had more time. God, I'm an idiot. I missed him so much that I just—forget it. It's dumb."

"It's not dumb." Kun shrugs, small smile on his lips. That's the thing about Kun—he's always so sweet and encouraging, always reassuring Sicheng that everything he feels is okay and valid. "You love him, you miss him, so it's only natural you would want more time with the Jaehyun you fell in love with. I mean, you constantly wondered if he was still there. Now you know that he is."

"I guess so..." Sicheng sighs again, the weight of the world on his shoulders. "It just feels so unfinished. Everything feels unfinished—especially with Jaehyun. I don't know."

Speak of the devil. Sicheng's phone rings, Jaehyun's name flashing on the screen. He looks up at Kun, who smiles at him and nods. He answers when he walks outside, blinking as his eyes adjust to the sunlight.

"Thank you, Sicheng," Jaehyun begins. Already, Sicheng feels pain. "You really didn't have to indulge me last night. I didn't deserve it at all."

"It's fine," Sicheng sighs, playing back the conversation they had right before they said good night. "I think I needed it in a way. Things between the two of us just always feel… I don't know, it just—"

"It feels unfinished," Jaehyun completes the thought. Sicheng can't fight the small chuckle that slips past his lips.

"Funny, I just said the same thing to Kun."

They fall silent and Sicheng hates this part. It reminds him of how different things are now, of how much they've both changed since their beginnings. They linger just like this, Sicheng chewing on his bottom lip as he searches for the words to say.

But then Jaehyun breaks the quiet and says, "Sicheng, you don't owe me shit and I know this is going to be a selfish request, but I just—can we keep pretending?"

Sicheng blinks, eyebrows knitted together in utter confusion. " _What_?"

"You're on your way to a new life, I get that. And here I am, still holding on. But I just—Sicheng, I'm happy for you. You've always deserved better and this has always been your path. I know you're moving on—moving forward—to a new beginning, leaving behind all the pain and the heartbreak that I've caused. But until then, until you get there, can we keep pretending that everything's okay?"

◄◄

There's no denying it—Sicheng has fallen.

It's not like it comes as a true surprise to anyone when Sicheng finally says it out loud, cheeks flushed at the realization. It hits him out of nowhere, a simple awareness that enters his train of thought as they sit in Sicheng's kitchen. They've turned the dining table into a desk, papers and pens scattered as they study together.

Jaehyun is staring at his laptop, lips pursed as he focuses on something on the screen. Sicheng has always found Jaehyun beautiful, but there's something special about Jaehyun in his sweats, unkempt and unassuming, hair pushed back by a hairband, that feels absolutely special to Sicheng.

It happens when Jaehyun speaks out a triumphant "yes!" and he pumps his fists up in celebration, lips stretched into a grin, eyes sparkling under fluorescent lights. It's so simple, so absolutely ordinary, yet it travels directly into sicheng's gut, fluttering butterflies that lend to the pink that adorns his face.

Fondness flowers all throughout his body, a small smile of his own slowly tugging at the corners of his lips. Without much thought, the words fall from his lips as visceral as the way he breathes, so sweet and right on his tongue. "I love you."

Jaehyun looks up, startled by the confession, eyes wide and almost childlike as he stares at Sicheng. There's a silence that befalls them, but it's comfortable and warm. To Sicheng, saying it out loud feels like coming up for fresh air, like honey iced tea on a warm summer day, like falling into bed at the end of a long hard day with Jaehyun as his home right there beside him.

Then Sicheng pulls Jaehyun into his arms and kisses him all over his face. He smiles, eyes looking deep into Jaehyun's, filled with more love than he knows how to convey. Jaehyun laughs, fingers drawing shapes at the small of Sicheng's back. They kiss for what feels like forever, getting lost in each other in the same way they always do.

"So you love me?" Jaehyun asks when they pull away, eyes honey in the light, mirroring the fondness in Sicheng's own.

"And so what if I do?"

Jaehyun smiles at him, brighter than he'd ever seen, looks at him with so much affection that Sicheng can't help the heat that slowly crawls up his skin. Sicheng wishes he could take a picture of the Jaehyun he sees right now—so happy and genuine and pure.

"I love you too."

►❙❙

They're back on the road, the sun shining brightly as they make their way out of the city. Kun takes the first shift, knowing very well that Sicheng gets too sleepy to drive this early in the morning.

"So you actually do have more time," Kun says as they merge into the highway. "You really said yes?"

"Yeah." Sicheng looks out the window, watching the city pass them by. There aren't many cars on the road at this hour, Sicheng notes. Not that he would have ever known. (He isn't too fond of mornings, nor is he too fond of driving.) "I know it doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, but it does to me. I don't know. Everything Jaehyun is confusing. I'm confusing."

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Sicheng." Kun looks over at him with a warm smile. "If it makes sense to you, then that's that. Only you and Jaehyun will be able to completely understand your relationship. Besides, I'm the one who said I think you guys need this. Closure and all."

Sicheng says nothing, instead focusing on the view outside. It's bright and sunny, ironic considering the storm he feels brewing in his gut. He misses the night sky already, misses the way the moon flickers against midnight blues. He knows it doesn't talk back, but when it glisters, it almost feels to Sicheng like it does.

"Can I ask you something?" Sicheng breaks the silence, pulling his gaze away from what lies beyond to look at Kun.

"Of course, anything," Kun says, smiling at him like he always does. Sicheng doesn't know how he does it— how he can always just find ways to smile no matter how shitty life becomes. "What's on your mind?"

"What do you think of Jaehyun? Be completely honest."

Guilt tugs at Sicheng's heart as he sees the smile slowly disappear into a contemplative frown on Kun's face. He's focused on the road ahead, but Sicheng can tell he's deep in thought. "I don't really know what to say, Sicheng. I only know him through you. I, well—yeah."

"What?" Sicheng presses on, sensing the hesitation in Kun's voice. "It's okay, tell me. You can tell me."

"Sicheng, I only know the guy who broke your heart," he finally says after a beat of silence, a sigh accompanying his words. "I don't know who he was before that, so I can't give you an unbiased opinion."

Kun's words feel like blows straight to his chest, heavy and painful but so undeniably true. Kun never knew the Jaehyun from before, the Jaehyun that turned Sicheng's world upside down in all the right ways. He never knew the Jaehyun Sicheng fell in love with, the Jaehyun whose kisses set his whole body alight, the Jaehyun whose arms always felt like the home he never thought he'd ever find .

He only knows the Jaehyun after, the one Sicheng no longer recognized.

◄◄

"The biggest surprise of all is Sicheng and Jaehyun," Xuxi declares one afternoon. "From strangers to friends with benefits to the very definition of love. Will I ever find love like that?"

Sicheng snorts and tosses a pen at him. "Calm down, you get love when you don't actively seek it out."

They're in the student center for lunch, Sicheng going over syllabi to prepare himself for his final year. He spent all his summer neck-deep in studying, preparing for all the stupid standardized tests he has to take for his graduate school applications. He uses a good amount of what little breaks he has to complain about how useless such tests are, arguing that they do nothing to prove how good of a candidate someone is.

"How are you and Jaehyun anyway? Does he know where he's going after graduation?"

Sicheng shifts in his seat, lips tight. The short answer is no, he doesn't. The long answer is that Jaehyun doesn't know shit about what to do with his future in general. It's a touchy subject for them, one they've argued about more than once before. Jaehyun doesn't like talking about the future, mostly because Jaehyun doesn't know. He doesn't care to either, always saying that he'll figure it out eventually.

This would be fine if not for the fact that Sicheng does. He's had a clear goal set for himself since he was in high school. He wants Jaehyun in his future, wants to plan things with him, but it's hard to when Jaehyun has no clear direction to work towards. This subject leads to a lot of nasty fights, and Sicheng would rather avoid them when now is the time he has to focus even more. It's the last stretch, after all.

Maybe once applications are in, he'll bring it up again. But until then, Sicheng would much rather immerse himself in his responsibilities.

"Hi baby," Jaehyun walks over and presses a kiss to Sicheng's cheek. Xuxi makes a face at them and Sicheng rolls his eyes. "Welcome back party tonight. You coming?"

"Nah, I have to get ready for the stupid standardized tests. You have fun, though. Don't get too stupid, please?"

"No promises."

Sicheng rolls his eyes, knowing very well that Jaehyun will, indeed, get too stupid. At least it's only the beginning of the semester.

►❙❙

Jaehyun calls him again like he said he would, all smiles as his face fills Sicheng's screen. He's brighter now, more awake. Sicheng can't help but smile back, ignoring the heavy feeling that lies in his chest. He wants to enjoy this, wants to remember the good times that's been overshadowed by the pain of their goodbye.

"Glad to see you're alive." Sicheng chuckles. Sicheng doesn't understand how it's possible to feel both joy and pain at the same time. Does Jaehyun feel the same way? Does he feel the hurt too? "Make sure you stay hydrated, baby."

"I will," Jaehyun laughs along, showing him a thumbs up. "How's the drive going?"

Just like that, they fall into easy conversation like they always used to. It's strange, Sicheng thinks, how quickly the pain begins to subside. It's like he's traveled back in time to when things still felt right, when things were good between them.

He almost forgets it all. Almost.

But then Jaehyun begins to talk about the party from the night before, sharing stories about his drunken antics with his friends, and it hits him so forcefully that it feels like he's been hit over the head, bludgeoned by the memories that's led to their current reality.

"Sicheng?" Jaehyun calls out from his phone. "Are you okay? You're spacing out?"

From the corners of his eyes, Sicheng can see Kun sneaking uneasy glances at him. "Yeah, I'm okay," he says, both to Jaehyun and to Kun. "Just. Um—"

"You don't want me talking about the party," Jaehyun finishes for him, a sad smile on his lips. "I'm sorry. I know it's—" Jaehyun cuts himself off and takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry. We can talk about something else."

It wasn't always like this. The talk of parties didn't always leave Sicheng resentful like this. But he supposes a lot of things have changed now, and he has Jaehyun to thank for that.

◄◄

"Sicheng, please, I already said I was sorry," Jaehyun pleads, limbs thrown over Sicheng to pull him close in his arms. "I'm sorry."

Sicheng's tears feel like acid down his face. He's so angry that he can't even speak—too consumed by his rage to find words to say. What can he even say at this point? Jaehyun is muttering apologies in his ear, holding him tightly, telling him he loves him over and over and over.

Maybe if this were just the first time, it would have worked. Maybe if this were any normal period in Sicheng's life, Jaehyun's apologies would be enough. Maybe if this were any other fucking time, he would say it's okay and move on.

"No, Jaehyun, stop," Sicheng pushes Jaehyun off and gets out of bed, wiping at his tears with the back of his hand. "I don't need your apologies if you're just going to do it again. This is the third time this week, Jaehyun."

"I know, I'm—"

"Stop fucking apologizing!" Sicheng's voice rises, startling them both. His face feels so hot, his anger bubbling endlessly within his chest. "This is the most important time in my life, Jae. You know this. I can't be hauling your drunk ass home every single fucking night like this. I have shit to do, applications to finish, essays to write. I have responsibilities!"

"I know, Sicheng. I really am sorry, I just—"

"If you apologize one more fucking time, I will break your nose. Don't try me!" Sicheng growls, fingers curled into his palms. "I don't need your apologies, Jaehyun. I need you to stop being so inconsiderate of my time. Just because you don't know what to do with your life, doesn't mean you can interrupt and sabotage mine. I actually have a future at stake here!"

"Oh," Jaehyun whispers, "Oh, I see. You have a future, I don't. I'm just dragging you down, holding you back. Okay."

"No, Jae—baby, that's not—" Sicheng regrets it the moment the words leave his lips. He hates himself for it, especially when he sees the hurt that flashes across Jaehyun's features. "Don't put words in my mouth. I didn't say that. I just—"

"No, you're right." Jaehyun laughs bitterly, rising to his feet. "I'm just going to go, so you can focus on the future I clearly don't have. I'm sorry for bothering you, Sicheng. It won't happen again."

"Jaehyun—"

But Jaehyun has already gone, and Sicheng yells into his hands as he hears the door slam in the distance.

►❙❙

They pull into a gas station to fill up and buy more snacks.

It's Sicheng's turn to drive, so he takes the driver's seat and adjusts everything so they're ready to go once Kun returns. Sicheng thinks Kun is taking too long, but it makes sense as soon as he sees the loot he brings back to the car with him.

"Why the fuck did you get so many snacks?" Sicheng huffs a laugh, watching as Kun figures out where to place all the bags. "Are you that afraid to get hungry?"

"Better to have too much than to go hungry, my friend." Kun grins, finally settling in his seat. He clicks his seatbelt in place before saying, "Let's go!"

Sicheng rolls his eyes as he heads back into the highway.

Kun knows him too well. He doesn't explicitly say it, but Sicheng knows that Kun times it all perfectly so that Sicheng doesn't have to drive through major cities at peak hours. It's another one of the many things he adores about Qian Kun. He's so kind that it's overwhelming sometimes, but he's eternally grateful. Sicheng doesn't think he'd be here without Kun.

Sicheng can see Kun sneaking glances at him again. As kind as he is, he's also that much of a worrywart. He knows that Kun is caring by nature, a grounding figure in any life he touches. It brings a smile to his face—thinking about all the times Kun has been there for him when he was barely holding himself together.

"I'm okay," Sicheng answers the question he knows Kun is hesitant to ask out loud. "It's actually kind of nice being able to talk to him again without it ending up as a fight. I didn't think I ever would again."

"That's good." Sicheng picks up on the relief in Kun's voice. "I'm glad."

"It's kind of strange to think about, though," Sicheng continues, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel. The sky looks like it's about to change colors and he's excited to see the moon again. "I never would have thought this would happen, you know? This whole pretending thing is weird, but it's also nice. I don't know. I just—I mean, we both had our faults. We both did and said things we shouldn't have. I just wish things didn't end as badly as they did. It just got so ugly in the end, you know?"

They both fall silent, listening to only the music blasting through the speakers. He lets the songs play and Sicheng chuckles when he realizes what playlist it is. It's the one they made back then, right before they went on their road trip for campus visits. Back then, they were just eager students hoping they would get into whatever program would have them. Now, they're actual doctoral candidates on their way to their new home.

"Sicheng," Kun speaks out, voice so soft he almost misses it. "I'm sorry."

Sicheng frowns and shakes his head. "It's not your fault, Kun. Don't you ever blame yourself. Our breakup is no one's fault but ours. It's not you."

◄◄

He doesn't know why it's taken this long for them to actually meet, but as the cliché goes, it's better late than never.

They've been aware of each other since freshman year. It's hard not to at least _know_ _of_ people in the Asian community when theirs is a university that's predominantly White. But they don't officially meet until they get partnered up for a project in a class they didn't even know they shared.

The connection is instant. Friendship builds quickly between like-minded people. This is even more apparent between Kun and Sicheng, who have both been so deeply buried in graduate school applications that they're both incredibly close to shaving their eyebrows off from all the stress.

"Wait, let me see that again." Kun peers over at Sicheng's laptop, where his application checklist spreadsheet is on the screen. "Damn, you got it color-coded and everything."

They're sitting in Sicheng's living room, taking a break from their project to work on their respective essays. Nights like this have become rather frequent since they met, going back and forth between homework and applications. They become each other's support system, reading through each other's statements for novel perspectives.

"I still can't believe the advisors are telling us to apply to at least fifteen programs," Sicheng whines, looking through his spreadsheet. He has a lot of universities listed, still waiting to be whittled down to a more manageable number. "I do not have the energy to write fifteen essays. Shit was easier when we had the common app. One essay rules all."

Kun sighs beside him, leaning on the armrest looking understandably glum. "Not to mention how expensive everything is. Why the hell do we have to pay just to apply? It's ridiculous."

"Capitalism at its finest," Sicheng shrugs as he scrolls through his list again. "But hey, at least we have the Big Ten Academic Alliance thing."

"The what?"

"Application fee waivers for Big Ten schools," Sicheng goes to the website and shows the screen to Kun. "You still have to apply for it, but it helps. Hell, I'm considering just applying to these fifteen. If they approve my waiver applications, that's a burden off my wallet."

"Bless you for this information." Kun hurriedly types into his laptop, scrolling through the requirements. "They really should advertise these more."

They fall into their typical conversations criticizing universities for following business models rather than focusing strictly on education. Sicheng is so focused on his disdain for the education system that he doesn't notice how much his phone is lighting up until Kun points it out.

"Looks like someone's looking for you," Kun nods in the direction of Sicheng's phone. "It must be important if they're blowing up your phone like that."

Sicheng feels his chest tighten as he glances at his screen. A bitter smile spreads across his lips. "It's my boyfriend," he whispers, setting his phone back down on the couch, screen-side down. "He… Well, he's out right now, and he drunk texts a lot."

Kun looks back at him, worry woven into his features. Sicheng is thankful when he says nothing, instead turning back to his laptop. "Let's get back to work," Kun says, pulling up their project on his screen. "I think we can finish up a good amount tonight."

Sicheng smiles with a grateful heart and nods. "Thank you, Kun."

Kun responds with a smile.

►❙❙

"Your phone is blowing up," Kun tells him. "Might be Jaehyun."

"It probably is." Sicheng chuckles, glancing briefly at Kun. "Can you tell him I'm driving?"

"Of course," Kun says, unlocking Sicheng's phone to type in the message. "Anything else you want me to say?"

Sicheng shakes his head, instead focusing on the changing colors of the sky. He loves this time of day the most—when the sun begins to set and the moon begins to rise. The best is when both the sun and the moon meet in one sky, two separate beauties in unity high above for everyone to see.

"He says to drive safely." Kun snaps Sicheng's phone back into the holder.

Sicheng acknowledges him with a nod, grip on the steering wheel unconsciously tightening. Something about Kun and Jaehyun in conversation sits ill in his gut, especially when Kun was someone they constantly fought about as things were falling apart.

"Kun," Sicheng speaks up, turning the music volume down. "Never mind, it's stupid."

Kun places a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure it's not stupid," he says. Sicheng doesn't have to look to know that Kun is smiling at him. "What is it? You can tell me."

His heart clenches thinking about how kind Kun has been from the moment they met. If things weren't as they were, Sicheng could swear he and Jaehyun could have been friends too. Sicheng sighs, glancing momentarily over at Kun. "You know how we fought about you a lot back then?"

"Yeah."

"Do you... Do you think he's still angry about it? Do you think he still feels as he did back then?"

Sicheng sees Kun shake his head from the corner of his eye. "No," Kun says firmly. "I highly doubt he does."

◄◄

Sicheng sits in his bed, knees tucked beneath his chin. The tears stream down his face, and he swallows down the sobs threatening to slip past his lips. Even in the quiet of his own room, he can't allow himself to completely let go.

He's never been good with stress to begin with, but tonight is so overwhelming that he can't stop himself from crying.

He looks out his window, a full moon greeting him with a silver gleam. "Should I call him?" he asks, not bothering to wipe the tears away from his face. "Would he even care at this point?"

He buries his head in his arms, whimpering as he struggles to decide. It takes him a few more moments, a few more breaths, a few more tears to finally pick his phone up and type out a message.

Sicheng [2:02 AM]: jaehyun, are you busy?

Sicheng [2:02 AM]: can you come over? i'm so stressed.

He watches his phone carefully, hoping Jaehyun has his phone on him. His heart slowly breaks the more time passes, and he can't help but wonder if this is it. If this is their reality now. How did they end up like this?

Jaehyun [2:18 AM]: i'm out with johnny

Jaehyun [2:18 AM]: why don't you call kun? doesn't he know you better than i do anyway?

Jaehyun [2:19 AM]: you said so yourself, kun understands you in ways i never could

Jaehyun [2:19 AM]: go talk to your so-called soulmate

Sicheng laughs, his tears salty against his lips. He can't stop laughing—not even as he types in a reply, not even as his heart crumbles in his chest, not even as love as he knows it slips away from his fingers.

Sicheng [2:23 AM]: can you let go of your jealousy for just one fucking second

Sicheng [2:23 AM]: never fucking mind, you child

Sicheng [2:24 AM]: have fun with johnny

Jaehyun [2:23 AM]: have fun with kun

He tosses his phone aside and finally, _finally_ allows himself to break down. He sobs into his palms, feeling every emotion run throughout his body. Everything hits him all at once, so poignant as he sobs into his palms. He wishes he could call Jaehyun and yell at him, tell him how much it hurts when he says things like that.

But he has no strength left to pick up his phone, no strength left to call him, no will left to fight.

►❙❙

"You seem pretty sure about that." Sicheng notices, voice straining in his throat.

"Pull over at the next stop, we can switch," Kun instructs, pointing at the next exit. Sicheng really is grateful that Kun doesn't make him drive too much. He's more than willing to, of course. Anything for Kun. But Kun has always been too understanding, too kind, and he makes Sicheng's life far more easy to live. "And I'm sure about it, because we talked."

Sicheng's eyes widen; this is news to him. He pulls into a parking spot at the gas station, fully turning towards Kun. "When?"

Kun looks reflective as Sicheng stares at him. Sicheng knows he's thinking, wondering if he should tell Sicheng everything. They may not have known each other long, but Sicheng knows Kun almost as much as he knows himself.

Finally, Kun speaks. "Not too long before your breakup," he admits, voice quiet. "I was really angry, Sicheng. You'd been crying so much and you were barely a person during those days. I hated seeing you like that. I hated seeing you fall apart but pretending you weren't. So I just… I reached out to him and asked if we could talk."

Sicheng's throat feels dry as he thinks back to those days. His tears fell like rain, a constant storm in the middle of tragedy. No matter how much he tried to hide it, he knew Kun could see. He knew Kun knew. He'd walked into class with swollen eyes far too many times to be discreet.

Kun never asked. It's one of the things he loves the most about Kun—he never asks, never pries, never searches for answers before Sicheng is ready to give them. It's precisely because he never asked that Sicheng told him everything, showed him all the texts from Jaehyun's friends, cried to him about the pain of slowly losing love.

"You never told me," Sicheng finally says, looking into Kun's eyes. He's smiling at him, a sad smile he doesn't quite know how to decipher. "How come you never told me, Kun?"

Kun reaches out for Sicheng's hand and squeezes it. It's always comforting when he does it. "Because it was between me and him, Sicheng."

◄◄

He's trembling as Kun holds him close. Sicheng is shaking as he sobs into Kun's chest, any words that escape his lips too incoherent to decipher. It's become all too familiar—Sicheng crying in Kun's arms, telling him about yet another fight with Jaehyun. All they do lately is fight and Sicheng doesn't know how much more of it he can take.

"Why doesn't he just break up with me?" Sicheng cries, looking into Kun's eyes with so much pain and desperation. "If he doesn't want to be with me anymore, why doesn't he just break up with me?"

Kun presses his lips together, careful as he thinks of what to say next. Eventually, he sighs. "Why don't _you_?"

"W-what—" Sicheng furrows his brows, lips pressed into a thin tight line. "Break up with him?"

Kun nods slowly, reaching to wipe the tears away from Sicheng's face. "Sicheng, I… I don't know your relationship, and I won't pretend that I do," he sighs, holding Sicheng's face so they're looking directly at each other as he speaks. "But you don't seem very happy to me. And if there's anything I've learned over the years when it comes to love and dating, it's that… sometimes, the best thing you can do when you love someone this much is to let them go."

Kun's words go straight into Sicheng's heart, cuts him open until he's bleeding wretched love all over his body. He lowers his head, already so cried-out that his tears have dried, and all he can do is sob and heave as Kun pulls him into his arms again.

"How did we get here?" Sicheng whispers.

When did Jaehyun stop being the guy to catch his tears? When did everything go so horribly wrong? When did love become this painful?

►❙❙

He's so preoccupied with this new information that he almost misses it when Jaehyun calls again. He and Kun are still at the gas station, Kun filling up the tank while Sicheng walks around to clear his head.

"Hey babe," Jaehyun says as he picks up. His smile quickly disappears as he sees Sicheng, eyes fixated on the screen, jaw tight. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"You and Kun," Sicheng says. Recognition flashes in Jaehyun's eyes. He already knows what this is about. "You guys spoke, and neither of you told me."

Jaehyun laughs nervously, running a hand through his hair. "It was between me and him, Win," he sighs, looking off somewhere in the distance. "He was really upset about how things were going between us, especially knowing that we'd been fighting about him. So he confronted me."

Sicheng frowns, grip on his phone tight. "What did you talk about?"

Jaehyun looks hesitant as he looks back at Sicheng through the screen. He's quiet and thoughtful, lips slightly parted as he thinks of what to say. "He woke me up," Jaehyun finally says. "He reminded me of how much I love you and how stupid I was being. He told me about his boyfriend and how there was never a reason to fight about him." A sad smile tugs at the corners of Jaehyun's lips. "I asked him why you never just told me that from the beginning, but he said it shouldn't matter whether he was single or not. I had to trust you and believe in everything we'd built together until then.

"Kun put me back on the right path, Sicheng. It's thanks to him that I realized how much I was destroying everything, how much I was hurting us both. I wish I could take it all back, I really do. I wish I could hit rewind and do it all over again, make things right.

"And I tried, Sicheng. I tried. You remember, right? There was—I tried to get us back to normal." Sicheng can see Jaehyun's eyes glisten with unshed tears. He nods pensively, remembering the sudden change right before their breakup. "I tried, but it was too late. I was too late. The damage was done, I'd already fucked up. I'd already hurt you too much to ever go back."

◄◄

As if a switch flipped, Jaehyun was good again.

It's like they hit rewind on their relationship and the Jaehyun with him is the same Jaehyun from a year ago, when they were just falling in love and everything felt right. Jaehyun pulls him close, lips on his so tenderly, kissing him slowly like they're the only two people in the world.

It's been so long since they've kissed like this, since they've been just Sicheng and Jaehyun, in love and perfect for each other.

He doesn't know what happened; he doesn't know why the Jaehyun he fell for made his return. All he knows is that he's happy about it and he's so thankful that he's back.

But he should have known better than to believe things could change just like that. He should have known better than to believe that their problems would go away just like that. He should have known better than to believe that things could ever go back to the way they were just like that.

It happens on a Saturday afternoon. They're lying down in Jaehyun's bed, enjoying the peace between them. Jaehyun is whispering sweet nothings in his ear, telling him everything he's missed hearing, making his heart race like he's always done so easily in the past.

And then Johnny barges in, eyes frantic and crazed, telling Jaehyun to check his social media. Sicheng doesn't have to see to know what's going on. He's seen it all—sent to him by their friends, warning him about Jaehyun and what he does when he's drunk. Sicheng already knows everything.

He's seen it all before, cried over it all before, but he's packed it all in a small ball, tossed to the back of his mind where he can ignore it and pretend it isn't there.

Until right now. Until everything comes back to light and the memories are all over the internet where he can no longer turn a blind eye.

It serves as a reminder that nothing is fixed; nothing has changed, not really. They're still broken, still in pieces, still too far gone to repair. They can pretend all they want and slap a band-aid on each cut on the surface, but the damage has already gone deep into their core, bleeding through the cracks Sicheng's been trying so incredibly hard to push aside.

"Fuck, Sicheng, this isn't—"

"I can't do this, Jaehyun," he says, sitting up, voice more level than he would have thought it would be. "I don't know why we're acting like we can just hit rewind and things are magically okay."

"Sicheng…. I love you. I want to fix things. Please let me fix things."

Sicheng smiles at him, cups his cheek, and looks into his eyes. "I love you too," he says. "But it's not enough anymore. We haven't been working for a while now, and you know it. I can't do this, not anymore. I can't. I'm sorry, I can't."

►❙❙

They've made it.

After two days of driving, they've finally made it.

It's an emotional time—the two of them sit in the car, staring at their new apartment building, overcome with emotions as they realize that their new life is about to begin. Kun reaches for him and Sicheng takes his hand, quiet as they bask underneath the moonlight and street lamps that shine through the windows.

This also means that it's time to leave his past behind.

Sicheng stares at his phone when they make it inside, screen open to Jaehyun's loving messages. They've opted to relax for a little bit before unpacking everything, too tired from the long drive to move. He smiles, heart heavy in his chest, fingers hovering over the keyboard. Finally, he types, _we made it to the apartment. They really hooked us up with this one_.

Almost as soon as he sends it, his phone rings and Jaehyun fills his screen.

"I'm glad you're safe," he says. He's smiling, but Sicheng can see the sadness in his eyes. They both know what this means for them. "It's a full moon out right now. You should go look if you have a balcony."

Sicheng obliges, slipping out into the balcony where he has a clear view of the moon. He's in the city, but he can still see the stars dotting the sky. It's one of the things he wanted to make sure of when he and Kun came to visit last time.

"Hey, remember when we first met? At the convenience store?" Sicheng finds himself smiling at the memory. "I was talking to the sky and you said—"

"—the sky doesn't say a word. It won't talk back." They say it together and they laugh together. Sicheng has missed being able to do this.

"You looked beautiful that night," Jaehyun tells him, smiling through the phone. "I was drawn to you the moment I saw you. I'm not sure if I've told you this."

"Do you remember what else you said that night?" Sicheng looks away from his phone to gaze up at the sky, filled with so much nostalgia for a night long gone. "You told me, 'people are only capable of hurting you as much as you allow them to.'"

Jaehyun's jaw tightens, eyes already welling with tears. "I remember that night clearly, Sicheng. I see it in my head every time I close my eyes. Of course, I remember."

Sicheng smiles again and takes a deep breath, blinking away the tears that are threatening to fall. "I knew you could hurt me, Jaehyun. I gave you that power the moment I placed my heart in your hands," he speaks softly, looking at Jaehyun through the camera, who has already allowed himself to weep. "The moment the words 'i love you' came flying out of my face that one night, I already knew how much you could destroy me."

"Sicheng, I—"

"I just really didn't think you actually would."

◄◄

"Sicheng, please—" Sicheng can hear the desperation in Jaehyun's voice. Maybe a week ago, he would have cried and given in. Maybe a week ago, he would have taken his hand and told him they'll work it out somehow. Maybe a week ago, he would have used what little fight he has left to tell Jaehyun things will be okay. "I love you, Sicheng. I love you so much. Please don't—"

"I know you do, I know," he says, trying to keep himself calm as he watches the tears spill from Jaehyun's eyes. He brushes them away, ignoring his own tears now threatening to fall. "I just can't do this anymore. The damage has been done and we'd be fools to pretend that things will be okay. We stopped working a long time ago. I can't do this anymore."

"Sicheng, no." It breaks Sicheng's heart seeing Jaehyun like this, holding him tightly, refusing to let go. "No, please, we'll be okay. We will. I was stupid and acting out because I thought i'd already lost you. I wasn't—please, Sicheng, we can do this. We'll be okay. We'll make it work. We will."

Sicheng pulls Jaehyun away, his resolve tested by the pure anguish written all over Jaehyun's face. "Who are you trying to convince, Jaehyun? Me or yourself?" A tear rolls down his cheek, though he quickly wipes it away. "I need to go, Jaehyun. Let me go."

"No, no, I don't—please don't go, Sicheng. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, please don't go," Jaehyun sobs, fingers curled into Sicheng's shirt. "You said—Sicheng, you said people always left you. So why are you leaving me now? Why are—you're the one leaving now! You're leaving!"

"I have to, Jaehyun," he says, hands over Jaehyun's, tearful eyes meeting his. "I have to go. I can't—I'm sorry. My heart has broken a long time ago, and if I stay, I'll have nothing left."

"No, you'll have me," Jaehyun rests his forehead on Sicheng's shoulder, voice cracking as he speaks. "You'll have me, Win. Please don’t—I need you here. I need you. I love you, Sicheng. Please don't go. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please stay. _Please_."

He pulls Jaehyun into his arms one last time, kisses him one last time, tells him he loves him one last time. Jaehyun holds him tightly, broken cries bleeding through Sicheng's walls. Sicheng's heart threatens to waver, nearly caves and tells Jaehyun he'll stay.

But with what little strength he has left, he pulls Jaehyun away, tears hot on his skin. And then he leaves without sparing a second glance, Jaehyun's beaten pleas falling on deaf ears.

Kun's right. Sometimes the best thing you can do when you love someone this much is to let them go.

So that's what Sicheng does, even though he's breaking his own heart in the process.

►❙❙

"I'm so sorry, Sicheng." This scene is all too familiar—Jaehyun in tears, apologizing to him, telling him he loves him. "You have to know I love you, and I always have. Not once did I ever stop. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, Sicheng. I love you —"

"I know," Sicheng interrupts, releasing a shaky breath. "I know that, okay? I'm sorry too."

"What? No! You have nothing to be sorry about, Sicheng. It was all me. I was the idiot who fucked everything up, okay? It's all my fault."

Sicheng laughs amidst his tears, shaking his head. "No, Jae. It takes two to tear a relationship apart. We both said and did things we never should have. We both have our regrets. It's not just you, it was me too. It was both of us.

"I had a really wonderful day with you, Jaehyun. I'm thankful that we get to close our chapter with good memories and healing. I learned so much today—about you, me, and us. I—it was the right decision for us to break up when we did, Jaehyun."

Jaehyun falls silent, head hung low as Sicheng stares up at the moon again. It's strange how things work out sometimes, but Sicheng has always believed in fate. This is what's meant to happen, no matter how much it hurts.

"I love you," Sicheng offers, quiet and low, words meant just for Jaehyun to hear. "Never doubt that, okay? I love you so much."

Jaehyun chuckles despite his tears, looking up to look at Sicheng through his screen. "Just not enough to stay?'

There is grief in Sicheng's eyes as he smiles, wishing he could reach out and hold Jaehyun one more time. "No, not enough to stay," he answers, voice still as soft, still as careful. "I love you, but it hurts to. Every day, I woke up watching us slowly tear ourselves apart. We fought so much that it felt like a dream whenever we weren't screaming at each other. It hurts too much to love you, Jaehyun, especially right now.

"Somewhere along the way, we stopped being on the same page. Somewhere along the way, we started going on different paths. It wasn't just the jealousy that tore us apart. There were a lot of things before that, too. I love you, but I have to love me more. I'm constantly moving forward while you're still stuck in the past. I can't put my life on hold while waiting for you to pull yours together."

◄◄

One. Two. Three. _Click_.

Kun and Sicheng scream as they read their decision letters, hugging each other tightly when they realize that they got into the same program. All the hard work was worth it, all the time they spent poring over essays and applications was worth it. They made it, and they made it together.

"We're moving," Kun breathes out, unable to fight the grin that spreads on his face. "Holy shit, we're moving."

"We are!" Sicheng hugs him again, all the pain that's consumed him forgotten just for that moment. "I'm so glad I met you and that we're doing this program together."

"Me too, Sicheng."

Sicheng doesn't fight the tears that stream down his face. Once the school year ends, he'll be gone. He'll leave all of this pain and heartbreak behind. He'll start a new life in a new city where his bed doesn't still smell like Jaehyun, where the world around him doesn't bleed memories that pull at the scabs around his heart.

A new start without him.

►❙❙

They're both crying. It's hard not to when everything that spills from their lips is heartfelt and sincere, so filled with love and regret and everything they both wish they could have said back then. What ifs are dangerous; they're painful. Still, they allow themselves to wander just for tonight, just until it's time. Just until it's finally the end.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Jaehyun mutters, over and over and over again. "I love you so much, Sicheng. I'm sorry."

"I know, Jaehyun. I forgive you," Sicheng smiles at him, hoping it would be enough to show Jaehyun he truly is okay. "I'm not mad, okay? Sometimes relationships don't work out, and that's okay. Even… even if it hurt at the end, you still made me happy for two years."

"I don't deserve it. I don't."

"Even so, I forgive you. I don't want to hate someone who's brought me so much happiness, so much love, so much care." His voice shakes as he speaks, overwhelmed by the realization of their imminent goodbye. "I will always love you, Jung Jaehyun. I will always be rooting for you and supporting you no matter what. I just have to do it from afar. I hope you figure out what you want in life soon."

Jaehyun trembles as he chokes back sobs, hiding behind his hands. "I made so many mistakes," Jaehyun sniffles, forcing himself to look at Sicheng. "I have so many regrets. I'm so sorry, Sicheng. Thank you for loving me, even though I don't deserve you. I never did."

Silence befalls them, the night growing deeper and darker. The moon glimmers, almost like it's urging him to finally let go. Sicheng stares at Jaehyun on the screen, chest blooming with so much love and affection. But it's time.

"Thank you for the closure, Jaehyun."

Jaehyun understands. Sicheng can see it on his face as he forces a smile. It hurts, it all fucking hurts. "You're going to kick so much ass in grad school, Dong Sicheng. I know you will. They better watch out; they'll all look like idiots next to you. Take care of yourself, okay?"

"You too," Sicheng breathes out. "Do me a favor and stop drinking so much, yeah? Your liver is begging."

They share another chuckle, then another quiet moment just gazing into each other's eyes. Until finally—

"Goodbye, Jaehyun."

"Goodbye, Sicheng."

One more beat, one more breath, one more moment of hesitation. And then—

 _Click_.

◄◄

It's d-day.

Kun waits as Sicheng hugs his friends goodbye, holding his tears in because they're already crying enough tears for all of them. Xuxi tells him to always call, Dejun reminds him not to stay up too late studying, and Guanheng makes jokes to lighten the mood. When all is said and done, Sicheng gets in the car and nods at Kun.

"Ready," he says.

Kun starts the car and they pull out of the driveway. "Did you say goodbye to Jaehyun?"

"No, there's no point," Sicheng sighs, looking out the window. "There's nothing left to say to him anyway."

Kun looks unconvinced, but he says nothing.

In retrospect, Sicheng knows there's still a lot to say. Their breakup was difficult to say the least, filling him with a plethora of different emotions he doesn't care much to identify. The pain is still fresh despite the months that have passed them by, heart still aching and desperate to return to Jaehyun even though he knows it wouldn't do him any good to.

He's done well thus far—ignoring Jaehyun, avoiding him, focusing on his studies. He doesn't allow himself to think about his ex-boyfriend, the memories of their relationship too heartbreaking to bear. The only time he allowed himself the luxury was when he confirmed his acceptance into the grad school program, him still being the first person that comes to mind when he has news to share.

"There's nothing to say." Sicheng repeats, more for himself than for Kun.

It's a lie. A damned fucking lie.

►❙❙

It takes them all of the following day to finish unpacking. But when they do, the apartment starts to feel more like home. He thanks Kun for picking out most of their furniture. Sicheng is admittedly bad at determining which pieces fit together. He's always just been the kind of guy who finds the cheapest thing and goes for that, not caring whether it goes along with the rest of the room.

They sit out on the balcony as the moon rises and greets them with a bright glow. Kun got them a small outdoor set because he knows Sicheng likes to talk to the sky when he's stressed. Kun pours them both champagne to commemorate this day, smiling as he holds out his glass.

"To new beginnings," Kun says, voice quiet.

"To new beginnings," Sicheng echoes.

They clink their glasses and drink, allowing the quiet to take over. Sicheng stares up at the sky and quietly thanks it for always being there, for always listening.

"Happiness is on its way." Sicheng smiles, eyes reflecting the twinkling stars lending him comfort. "I'll be happy again soon."

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](http://twitter.com/angstonly)   
>  [cc](http://curiouscat.me/angstonly)
> 
> find the epilogue [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26618155)!
> 
> OKAY BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE!!! i tagged this angst with a happy ending because it really is a happy ending for sicheng. he was able to reconcile with jaehyun, but still maintain his strength. he was able to find the closure he needs to close that chapter of his life as he moves onto the next one. happy endings don't always meaning ending up with someone or getting back together with your ex.
> 
> for sicheng, his happy ending is being able to heal without holding onto any grudges against jaehyun. for Sicheng, his happy ending is loving himself and acknowledging he deserves to move forward.
> 
> other than that!!! I hope you enjoyed their journey. kudos and comments greatly appreciated!!!


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